I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
