saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize