You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
