I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
