That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
