speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
