Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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