I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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