I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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