I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
