i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
