I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
