let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
