i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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