Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
