If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
