forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
