allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
