well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
