and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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