i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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