she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
