Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
how does that bad decision feel?
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