Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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