Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
