Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
