Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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