Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's blow job season.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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