he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
