It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
