I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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