this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
