Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize