you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
