maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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