We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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