guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
