Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
