I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
