You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
