please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
