Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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