my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
