Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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