didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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