hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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