what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
