She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
