I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
