I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
being pregnant is like rehab
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
