I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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