You're my little dorito
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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