i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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