I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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