Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
