Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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