we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
