Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
