Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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