I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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