the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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