Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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