Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The feeling are messing with the penis
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
