I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
