Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
