Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
