your parents love me but you hate me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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