Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
