I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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