Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
