Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
