Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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