Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
