i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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