My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
