It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
